Well this is my Day 4 entry. It started out as this pretty layout yada yada. But as the journaling came it slowly morphed into this. In the end I kept just scribbling over it and undoing it. Then scribbling over it again. The first two days I felt so confident and happy about it all. But then here I sit feeling no hope. Sometimes I never feel like I will let God make me into He wants me to be. Will I ever be on fire for the Lord again? Wil I ever find victory over depression, laziness, jealousy, and downright horrible actions and heart? Right now I just feel it is all hopeless. But the whole point of this is to just keep on keepin on. It is to just keep reading His Word, to keep praying and to let Him heal me. I just want to pull myself up by my boot straps and change all this. But I fail again and again. Why is it so hard to just take my Jesus at His Word? To just have faith? I need Him. Off to read and pray and hope that tomorrow brings another and better day.