Blogging Hiatus.

Well I guess I haven't blogged in a while. No kits, no babbling, no nothing. Part of it is working on finishing some projects. I have scrapped some which is great for me. Yunno I need to start posting layouts again. I don't know why I stopped. I guess I started posting kits and stopped posting layouts. That's kinda lame. Anyways so here I am thinking about doing this again. Also I am trying to decide whether to start a weight loss blog or just put it on here. I would like to write in it everyday so maybe another blog would be better. Hmmm but maybe here would be better cuz it would motivate me to write more here so I don't just have fat posts :P Or hopefully skinny posts :) Sometimes I think that part of me doesn't post cuz it just gives me one more thing I fail at. I am slowly beginning to think that I have some great conspiracy to punish myself. I am not entirely sure why yet, but I see it everywhere. In food, in my house, my marraige, and all the little things like this. I wish someone could just look inside me and explain it to me. It all really began when Clay got "sick" so to speak. When things fell apart is when this whole thing really began - or at least that I can tell. Is it to show Clay how badly he screwed things up? Is it so that I can get attention from him or others? Is it because I feel that's what I deserve? Is it.. oh goodness. Am I really this crazy? I have let everything spiral out of control it seems and I do nothing to stop it. I feel like I am powerless to stop it. Which of course I'm not but I just seem to get "stuck". I want to love myself again To make myself a priority again. To feel confident again. To feel like ME again. The me I want to be, used to be. To have balance. To have peace. To feel like I am obeying God again. To feel like I am making him proud and smile. To love to read my Bible again like I used to. To pray again. To smile at my children again. To be organized again. To have a clean house again. To be healthy again. To exercise again. To love my husband again with the love that runs deeper than anything. To make him happy again. To make ME happy.

Hmm things to do today:
Do my sketch and preview for my chat
straighten up each room
spend 15 minutes in each room today
clean bathrooms
exercise 30 minutes at least
take a shower
do school with Frank
read in my Bible
Read to the children
Burn a narnia book on CD off the computer (not off another CD LOL)
play with the children
Scoop the backyard lol
Smile.