Blogs, feelings, etc. etc.

I am really cut out to blog? I have a hard time keeping up with posting. And of course in true Kim fashion, I look at other people's blogs and just feel inferior. ARgh. You'd think I would have left that "not one of the cool kids" feeling back in high school. I guess self esteem doesn't just come with age. Despite loving designing, getting in the store, scrapping pages I actually like and being in the SBB design team, I am amazed that things feel just the same as ever. Being the one in the room who would just not talk to anyone I still feel that way in the virtual world. How bizarre. Oh how self esteem issues creep into everything in your life. I am determined to change it though. Determined to take this life by the horns and change it. Lose weight, get the house, marraige and children in order, and get over myself. Get over this fascination with feeling inferior. What a crock. I know that in theory these feelings of inferiority are just of my own making, so why do they seem real? Argh. At least I have found something in scrapping that I really love to do. something I feel good at. Sometimes I just need to stay away from the gorgeous galleries of my idols. And away from looking at other desingers too. Boy there are some really talented people! Hmm.... I can't be the only one who sometimes has a hard time just being happy for someone else am I? It just pains me to feel jealousy of any kind. Makes me just turn to God in shame yet I still find myself jealous in little ways. My best friend just moved where I had to move from and life is fabulous there. He even met someone and is getting married. And I just felt despicable to feel jealous instead of just happy. I mean I am happy for him but why and how can I be this way? Surely others have this problem sometimes as well. i assure you I am not a horrible person despite how it looks. LOL. Just someone who feels pain more than I should at the moment. Someone tell me to just get over myself. :)