Affecting me

I can't believe at this point how this scrapping has consumed my life. Sometimes to my benefit, sometimes to my detriment. With the heartache and depression that has run rampant in my life lately, it is a huge release and coping mechanism for me to be able to retreat into scrapping. No matter how upset I am I can sit down and enjoy myself, and learn, and smile and cry. I have laughed out loud at Los, and cried buckets of tears like I did going to sweet Auntie Pea's website. I cried many a tear over the LO I made last night. I thought I would make a 2 pager about me. My first page ever about me, who I am, what I like. As I made the page, it made my smile to no end. To look at the things that brought me joy. Joy, what's joy?, I think I have forgotten. And to think back on my dreams of just a year ago. This time last year life was the polar opposite of what it is now. So today while talking to my hubby, Clay, I cried. I told him about making the LO and the sadness I feel now that all of that is gone. Gone. I read a letter to the editor in I think CK today where they mentioned an article in a past issue about scrapping tough subjects. If someone out there (like anyone reads this LOL) has that issue and wants to copy the article or send me the mag, let me know. With so much pain just sitting there refusing to go away or even fade, I have been thinking about scrapping about the events of the last few months. I can't journal. I have tried. But I can journal in my LOs. I have a picture of our home, or soon to be ex-home, that I can't even look at let alone scrap, that is calling for closure. Could I do it? Could I really write down and document the pain? I need to do something. maybe this is it. I dunno. Here is the LO that started it all. One minute it makes me smile, another in tears.

And I wonder if I could actually post my "ME" LOs anywhere after I did them. Would be hard.