Well don't know how to follow last night's post but... I hate to say it but I am dreading the holidays. I didn't when we were home in TN and all the family was in CA, but this year being in CA with the fam I dread it. I wish I didn't. I wish I felt that warm fuzzy feeling that the holidays should bring. But oy. I don't feel like having to socialize. Do I ever? And this is the first time any of them have seen Clay since... That will all just be weird. At least the other children won't be here this time. Frankie acts so naughty around Samuel. And I guess it will be easier with Gramma haven given up control over the cooking. She's not gonna have her nose in the kitchen this Thanksgiving so things will be a tad smoother lol. I guess when it comes down to it, I am just not a social person anymore. I mean I spend the whole time hanging out in the kitchen anyways. That's where all the cool people hang out :) I have 4 pies I think I need to make for Thanksgiving. Of course, being the pie lady I have to make the pies everywhere we go. The orders this year are plain as always, pumpkin, apple and pecan. Same ole same ole. Just have to make an extra pumpkin this year for Gramma's next door neighbor. We are gonna make our contact paper placemats again this year. Gotta go get some leaves from outside tomorrow to press a little before we need em. At least there's ONE tree in CA that changes colors in the Fall, and it happens to be right outside out house. So we are gonna make the placemats with the outlines of where the silverware goes, etc and leaves and the whole bit. It's too bad that we don't seem to have any real Thanksgiving traditions here. And no one is interested in doing anything fun like going around the table saying what they are thankful about, etc. SO pretty much it's just a dinner party which makes me kinda sad. I want my children to grow up with fun traditions that are meaningful, worth something. I suppose we all do. Seems like since I left TN all the things I felt were important have just fallen by the wayside and today it is going to change. How many times have I said that? LOL.

Anyways I am about to restart a Bible study from www.settingcaptivesfree.com I warn you that it is VERy conservative Christian and may not be for everyone, but I started it once and it has helped many many people. They have free 60 day online courses where you do the Bible study online, answering questions online and the answers go to your mentor or counselor and they email you during your study. They have a number of Bible studies on getting set free from gambling, smoking, etc. I am starting, or restarting, the study on getting set free from the bondage to food. I cannot let another day go by where I am a slave to eating, to food, to the feeling I get from eating it, from turning to it instead of God to comfort me. NOT ANOTHER DAY! I am gonna try harder than ever to blog now, to use this as a journal as an outlet and as a form of accountability for me.