After my post about my constant low self esteem LOL I recieved a bunch of comments, even some actual emails about this. I think I was really surprised at how many of us ladies feel so inferior sometimes. Here are some of the emails I got:
- I feel the same way. Sooo many sites are just a huge popularity contest. It's frustrating...because I'm not the 'popular' type. I can try and try, but that doesn't mean anything. I'm so tired of the high-school mentality...I've come so close to giving up
- I hear ya! I know that if I disappeared tomorrow, nobody online would notice!
- Kim, I know the feeling, my dear! You're not the only one. I tend to think of myself as invisible at times.
- Those are my words...how did you get them?!?!? I think we've had this conversation before, though. At times I feel that the whole dang digiscrap community is a popularity contest...I ask myself what I'm not doing right, why my designs/layouts aren't as good as those others getting all the attention.
- I feel the same way. It sucks. It's like if you aren't a popular one don't bother posting in a gallery or a message board because you get no response.
- I think many of us feel the very same way that you do. The only difference in my case is I am always unsure if there is a reason I'm not "one of the popular girls".
These are just some of what I read. I guess it makes me really sad that myself and so many others feel this way. So many of us are SAHMs that have found something they love. You'd think we would all be bending over backwards to support and uplift each other. And that we would all be so glad to share such an amazing passion. But instead of just being able to enjoy this passion, I find myself competitive at times, feeling unloved at times, feeling inferior at times, and on and on. Sometimes I think that maybe I should just stop designing so I can get out of this part of it all. While on one hand I love being a designer and DTM at SBB there are other times I wonder if it all is preventing me from just enjoying it all. Worrying about why people aren't talking to me, feeling unappreciated, etc. Other times I feel the opposite. I love doing my chat each week and having people enjoy it. Helloing late into the night with one or two of my digi friends. I love seeing my designs used in layouts. It makes me smile wide wide! I think I need to work to accept that when it all comes down to it, other people don't make me happy or unhappy, I do.
Boy do we need to remind ourselves of that sometimes. If someone treats us like garbage, we can let it roll off our backs or we can let it make us miserable. But goodness it's hard isn't it? I really want to be content whether people talk to me or not. I want to just enjoy the process. This all is for me. Not for anyone else. Why do we as women ( or me I guess) take these things so personal? Don't we all just hate when we post a layout and get one comment while another more "famous" scrapper gets 20? I don't want to care. I don't. Often times I think that I should just stop posting in galleries all together. I know that sounds silly but I don't like the feeling of being judged I LET myself feel. No one is responsible for that feeling but me. I know I shouldn't ever feel that way , but i do. Maybe I should fast from looking at my comments. Or fast from posting layouts all together.
I think in general as women we just are too darn competitive. If it wasn't layouts, it'd be weight. If it wasn't weight it'd be how clean our houses are. This is so stupid! We should be supporting each other not feeling threatened. Just recently I went through some stuff in the digiscrapping community with someone who in one way or another felt threatened by me. And in the end, yunno the only thing I REALLY care about is the fact that I thought I was getting to know this person and that friendship is over. How silly we ladies can be. How many friendships have been lost or not formed at all over petty competitive, judgemental reasons on someone's part. And believe me, I know I am on this list. Probably a high ranking member of the club for sure.
I need to start some sort of regiment to rebuild the shattered self esteem I have. Once upon a time I was so secure and self confident. Why now am I in so many pieces that I care what people I may NEVER meet, all you internet peeps, think? I need to love myself again. Treat myself well again.
I apologize to all who read this that there is so much unhappy ramblings. There is so much painful stuff I have been going through and I really need some sort of outlet. I hope that I can learn to really blog more often so this can be one. I am always amazed by those posting about their daily lives. (Hmmm another inferiority complex coming on.....LOL).
- I feel the same way. Sooo many sites are just a huge popularity contest. It's frustrating...because I'm not the 'popular' type. I can try and try, but that doesn't mean anything. I'm so tired of the high-school mentality...I've come so close to giving up
- I hear ya! I know that if I disappeared tomorrow, nobody online would notice!
- Kim, I know the feeling, my dear! You're not the only one. I tend to think of myself as invisible at times.
- Those are my words...how did you get them?!?!? I think we've had this conversation before, though. At times I feel that the whole dang digiscrap community is a popularity contest...I ask myself what I'm not doing right, why my designs/layouts aren't as good as those others getting all the attention.
- I feel the same way. It sucks. It's like if you aren't a popular one don't bother posting in a gallery or a message board because you get no response.
- I think many of us feel the very same way that you do. The only difference in my case is I am always unsure if there is a reason I'm not "one of the popular girls".
These are just some of what I read. I guess it makes me really sad that myself and so many others feel this way. So many of us are SAHMs that have found something they love. You'd think we would all be bending over backwards to support and uplift each other. And that we would all be so glad to share such an amazing passion. But instead of just being able to enjoy this passion, I find myself competitive at times, feeling unloved at times, feeling inferior at times, and on and on. Sometimes I think that maybe I should just stop designing so I can get out of this part of it all. While on one hand I love being a designer and DTM at SBB there are other times I wonder if it all is preventing me from just enjoying it all. Worrying about why people aren't talking to me, feeling unappreciated, etc. Other times I feel the opposite. I love doing my chat each week and having people enjoy it. Helloing late into the night with one or two of my digi friends. I love seeing my designs used in layouts. It makes me smile wide wide! I think I need to work to accept that when it all comes down to it, other people don't make me happy or unhappy, I do.
Boy do we need to remind ourselves of that sometimes. If someone treats us like garbage, we can let it roll off our backs or we can let it make us miserable. But goodness it's hard isn't it? I really want to be content whether people talk to me or not. I want to just enjoy the process. This all is for me. Not for anyone else. Why do we as women ( or me I guess) take these things so personal? Don't we all just hate when we post a layout and get one comment while another more "famous" scrapper gets 20? I don't want to care. I don't. Often times I think that I should just stop posting in galleries all together. I know that sounds silly but I don't like the feeling of being judged I LET myself feel. No one is responsible for that feeling but me. I know I shouldn't ever feel that way , but i do. Maybe I should fast from looking at my comments. Or fast from posting layouts all together.
I think in general as women we just are too darn competitive. If it wasn't layouts, it'd be weight. If it wasn't weight it'd be how clean our houses are. This is so stupid! We should be supporting each other not feeling threatened. Just recently I went through some stuff in the digiscrapping community with someone who in one way or another felt threatened by me. And in the end, yunno the only thing I REALLY care about is the fact that I thought I was getting to know this person and that friendship is over. How silly we ladies can be. How many friendships have been lost or not formed at all over petty competitive, judgemental reasons on someone's part. And believe me, I know I am on this list. Probably a high ranking member of the club for sure.
I need to start some sort of regiment to rebuild the shattered self esteem I have. Once upon a time I was so secure and self confident. Why now am I in so many pieces that I care what people I may NEVER meet, all you internet peeps, think? I need to love myself again. Treat myself well again.
I apologize to all who read this that there is so much unhappy ramblings. There is so much painful stuff I have been going through and I really need some sort of outlet. I hope that I can learn to really blog more often so this can be one. I am always amazed by those posting about their daily lives. (Hmmm another inferiority complex coming on.....LOL).
posted by Kim at 3:03 PM
6 Comments:
Your not the only one who feels like this & you are so true we shouldn't be so competitive as at the end of the day we all want praise, but we shouldn't live just for it.
You design wonderful kits and you make wonderful layouts and thats what's importaint.
Keep up the great work and remember you aren't alone in feeling like this, but we will continue on because we love what we do!
KIM! I haven't read your blog in a few days... :(
I feel the same way as you. I think that's why I haven't really gotten too involved in any given site. I post here and there and post my layouts. I've gotten really bad about leaving praise too. I need to do that more. I too struggle with wanting to feel popular and crave praise. I am insecure. I don't feel good enough. UGH!
Well, please don't stop designing! I just found you! LOL! I can't wait to get your new CD...I get paid in a few days! I want to know where and when your chat is too! I'm off to see if I can find it. Email me incase I don't find it: almostafox@msn.com.
Just a hug for you. :) From the comments I got on my blog yesterday, and the comments you've gotten here...I think so many are feeling the same way.
We need to start a "we're not popular" clique. We'd be more popular than the others, lol! (Of course this is a joke).
You know you can drop me a line anytime, eh? ;) I'm a chatty person, love having someone to talk with at all times!
Hi Kim...I'm glad that you received so much support and see that so many care and are going through the same things you are.
I don't get overly concerned about who accepts me and who doesn't in the scrapping world but just a few hours ago I was looking at my most recent layout uploaded in a certain gallery and it really bothered me to see that a few select "popular" scrappers upload before and after me and they were getting a nice number of comments whereas I hadn't gotten a single one. The thing that really got to me is the fact that this particular layout is a pretty good one...as far as I'm concerned. It just really bugged me.
Luckily I have found a community where I am accepted and get respect from not only digi scrappers but designers. Which means alot to me cause I'm still wet behind the ears in the designing area.
Anyway, I'm rambling now. Keep your chin up girl and do something nice for yourself!
so so sad to hear that you think about taking down your shingle b/c of the popularity contest out there. i am a scrap nobody, and for whatever it is worth, your designs and layouts are wonderful! and if it's not too insulting to be compared to other designers, the depth of layers in your papers really appeals to me, like jen wilson's and meredith fenwick's work.
I can't begin to tell you just how much I relate to all you are saying here. This has been such a chronic problem for me as well. Shame to see that so many of us suffer from it. Wonder why? Why must me tear ourselves down, judge ourselves so severely, and run from our strengths? Wish I knew. I'm so glad you are still creating. You have a very special talent and it needs to be shared. Use your blog as cheap therapy. I do. It helps to read that others can identify, doesn't it? Doesn't make me feel so solitary I think. Bless your heart.
Post a Comment
<< Home